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~ …the conversation behind the assumption.

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It’s not about…

17 Monday Jun 2013

Posted by Elizabeth M. Johnson in Learning, parenting

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life lessons, parenting, post-partum doula, quotes

“It’s not about you…”

…a famous person once said, “it’s about me.”

I was reminded of the tagline of this blog as I thought about a recent email exchange.  Several negative assumptions were made, based on an action that I took and this person chalked them all up to me as someone who was judging her. Truth: I could care less how someone runs their own life or makes parenting choices.  After many years working with women, often survivors of intimate partner violence, I’ve learned to let people make their own choices…regardless of what I think or might do instead. And when I discover something new or that I’m unsure of, I do what I do best: gather information so I can make an informed decision for myself.

Because it’s not about you; it’s all about me.

I think we all do this.  But sometimes we forget we do this because the searching for our own best answer is inward, almost unconscious process while at the same time, an invisible one to others.  Most of us don’t have the time to watch others do their own discovery work.  Truthfully, it’s less about time, though, isn’t it?  It’s more about the fact that if it’s not about us, we’re usually not that concerned.  You generally don’t care why someone can’t host the next book club; you just need to know that they can’t do it so we all move on and find someone else who can. That’s the bottom line.  No one really cares about the details or the back story.  shutterstock_58968394We have too many details (passwords, deadlines, due dates, birthdays, etc.) that we need to track on a regular basis to care about adding more to our chockfull life.

I also do my own information gathering because while I appreciate anecdotal information, especially with parenting issues, I do like to gather as much evidence-based information as I can. Personally, I’ve also noticed a blurring of these lines quite a bit in online forums like Facebook and Twitter.  In my training as a post-partum doula, we were taught to only offer evidence-based information to clients.  Clients may ask what I did as a mom with my own baby and I can offer that…but I must qualify it as my own experience.   It makes me a bit uncomfortable when experiences are passed off as fact so I always try and get the stories straight, for my own sake.

Some days when the sleep was poor or the teething seems like it will never end, I doubt whether I can meet some of my loftier goals. But I never doubt what they are.  And they have nothing to do with you.  It’s all about me and what kind of person I am trying to become. If we could all remember this golden rule more often, I suspect less time would be spent in judgment, anger and drama and more time would be allowed for the things that truly matter: personal peace of mind, tolerance and support of others’ choices.  Those are things that we can all use a bit more of in this life.

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5 reasons why you should hire a post-partum doula

03 Monday Jun 2013

Posted by Elizabeth M. Johnson in post-partum doula, self-care

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

childbirth, post-partum depression, post-partum doula, pregnancy, survivors

Whenever anyone uses the word “doula”, we automatically think of birth doulas but there is another kind of doula: the post partum doula.  Post-partum doulas are experts in what’s normal with the newborn.  They specialize in helping the new family become confident and competent with their new baby.  Sounds good but is this really important in the scheme of things?  I think so.  Here are five reasons why:

  1. Is a quiet baby a “good” baby?  IMG_1467Some people may say “yes” but researchers know that crying is not necessarily bad.  Babies cry because they have something to tell us.  But new parents can fear the crying often because they don’t know what it means.  A post-partum doula teaches new parents to recognize the cues that the baby is sending them (such as crying) as well as how to soothe an upset baby.
  2. “Every 9th woman presenting for prenatal care reports having experienced childhood sexual abuse.” These survivors are also not often asked about their abuse by a healthcare provider but they are at greater risk for post-partum mood disorders. A post-partum doula is not only trained in how to recognize baby’s cues but also cues such that the new mom can be giving.
  3. Whether the new baby is your 1st, 2nd or 4th, breastfeeding is tough! It shouldn’t ever hurt but new moms can sometimes forget that fact in their zeal to do the right thing for their baby.  A post-partum doula helps moms get off to the best start with breastfeeding by providing hands-on support to help ensure a good latch, troubleshoot problems that arise and teach parents how to assess if baby is getting enough to eat.
  4. As a new mom, I had prepared for the emotional aspect of childbirth and that it would likely be painful.  What I hadn’t prepared for is the pain after the fact that went on and on!  My head spun with questions that a post-partum doula can not only answer but also provide reassure and refer for further support.  When you’re sleep-deprived, struggling with breastfeeding and in pain, informed support from an expert is just what the new mom needs.
  5. The experience of giving birth can be very traumatic…even if a woman has exactly the birth that she had imagined.  There is always pain and exhaustion and sometimes other emotions or experiences come up that were unexpected.  A post-partum doula can help the new mother process the birth experience so she can come to terms with what happened while also accepting the praise and kudos she deserves.

Want to learn more?  Leave a comment below (confidential until approved) and I’ll get back to you.

I’m currently accepting clients who are due in September, October and November.  Leave me a comment (confidential until I approve it) and we can set up a time for your 30 minute free consult.

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Are you expecting a baby?

28 Thursday Feb 2013

Posted by Elizabeth M. Johnson in post-parum doula, pregnancy

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Tags

childbirth, Durham, post-partum doula, pregnancy

As you may know, I am in the training process to become a post-partum doula through DONA international…

The post-partum doula is an expert in what’s normal and what’s not in newborn babies. IMG_1298Her job is to educate and empower mom and her partner by offering practical support: support in the home (light meal prep, laundry, organizing, helping with other children, etc.) and support with the baby (changing, bathing, watching baby while you sleep, helping with breastfeeding, babywearing, etc.)

Part of the certification process involves working with three different families for a minimum of eight hours per family.  I am looking for at least three families that I can work with starting in late April until late May.  If you are pregnant, expecting a baby around this time and live near/in Durham, North Carolina, I would love to meet you!  My specialization will be working with survivors of sexual abuse / intimate partner violence but you need not be a survivor to have me as your post-partum doula. [Please note: For this special certification period only, I will not be charging for my services. When I am certified (expected Summer 2012), my fees will be $25/hour.]  If you are interested in learning more about my background, visit my “About” page here or my LinkedIn bio here.

If this sounds like something that would be of interest to you, please leave me a confidential comment below (all comments are invisible until approved by me) and I will get back to you within 1 business day to check in about setting up a 30 minute complimentary consult.  Questions?  Leave a comment!

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